Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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