Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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