You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
