I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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