It was confusing and full of hummus
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
