I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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