I just made out with a guy for $7.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
