does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize