I only kidnapped one of them. chill
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
