Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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