i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want a musical about memes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the raccoons are back...
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