I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
