I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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