he thought i was a dude.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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