What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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