There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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