I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
