u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
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he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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