So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
