Christians are straight up FREAKS
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up under a house in Key West
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
