on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
