I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
