wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
