Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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