he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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