he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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