Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
