My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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