please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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