I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
