He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
