I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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