Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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