I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
