I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
