This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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