He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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