I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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