Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
