that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
