im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
