she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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