i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
