whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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