In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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