I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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