i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
