dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
