craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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