I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize