Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
