honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
