just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
