after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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