he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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