'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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