So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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