i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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