her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
